Gone In Hours…

Shortly, two hours to be exact, its 3am here in Australia right now… Im getting on a plane and heading back to the life and place I left behind.

I just received a message from my oldest son, on this blog in fact, a painful heartfelt message from him.  My heart was in agony to read his words.

To me its amazing how for seventeen years you can give all, be all, do all…but what IS remembered is only the time you failed.  All else is forgotton.

I can be judged, looked down upon,  and ridiculed.  My faith laughed at by many.

I am strongly a Christian woman, not the kind that just talks it and semi-lives it for show.. I truely made God a part of my life everyday, He was in my heart, I saw Him work and I believe.  I dont just believe, I know.

Raising my kids I didnt press God down their throats, in fact I didnt really fit the ideal Christian person… in my opinion God is always there, not just on Sundays.  They went to church growing up, but thats not the only place they learned about God, honestly they learned more at home just from day to day life.

To me, divorce was wrong.  I taught them this.  I beleived that things could always be worked out if both sides were willing.  I always believed in hope and never in giving up. I was a fighter and yet I did give up in the end. 

My son, 21 almost, is just trying to understand.  He doesnt know all the details and he hurts.  I cry to feel his pain because I never meant to hurt him.  I hate that he hurts. I never meant to hurt any of my kids by leaving.  If I had my way they would all be with me, but that couldnt happen at the time, because believe me not a day goes by I am not crying for them. 

Im gone in hours…to face the unknown.

As for my son, I love him with all my heart.  His words hurt me to the core like nothing in my life ever has, but I will take it all and more if it makes him feel better.  I love him. I love all of my kids.

All I can say, if my verbal words mean nothing, I am thankful my journals hold the true words of my heart.

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~ by itsjojogirl on January 17, 2010.

One Response to “Gone In Hours…”

  1. not that your reply deserves one back, out of curteosy I will just say (using your own language btw)…if cock was all that mattered to me I would have stayed right where I was at.
    Quick to judge and shallow in regards to even thinking you have a right to voice your opinion on the mother that I am. Please waste your time responding somewhere else, your opionion isnt welcome here.

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