No Going Back

To continue from my earlier post, there are so many aspects to consider concerning divorce and there are no easy solutions.  It is not as easy as being out of the situation and “it all gets better.”

Your past, as well as your partners past is a new factor to deal with.  This is another area I was not prepared for, HIS EXWIFE.  You would hope adults would be adults, but that is not always the case and I have now experienced this.  That in itself without everything else, has been very hard to deal with for the last year…and it only gets more complex as she plays more tricks and stoops to new levels of low.  This is something you need to be very aware of, because as uninvited she is into my life…she is now a part of it.  I do not have direct contact with her, but she plays her tricks through their children and tries using them to carry out her mischief.   Believe me when I say, this is not a fun thing to deal with and its near impossible to ignore.

 All children involved no matter what age, are effected.  The lack of control you may have once had, is gone.  The question of “did I do the right thing” hides in the back of your mind.  Not to mention your entire life, the way you did things and everything you’ve known…changes.

I mentioned dealing with the “new girlfriend” and this person’s influence on your children’s lives…You have no control of it at all.  All you have is the small shred of hope that your ex will use good judgement, but that hope runs thin when you hear from your own children what goes on.

There are so many directions I could go with this.  What exactly am I trying to say?

DIVORCE MEANS NOTHING STAYS THE SAME… things you never imagined will be the most painful things you have to deal with.

There is no way to prepare.  There is no way to make it easy.  There is no way everyone will not be effected.  If you think in your current relationship that you cry now, maybe from lonliness or whatever it might be… I will assure you that in the last year  and since my divorce, I have never cried so much in my life.  You can not escape the pain, though I am content in my current relationship the fact of the matter is… the past still remains for both Darren and I. 

I am happy in the place I am now and I do love my partner (partner is such a dorky term to me, but he is so much more than just simply a boyfriend).   He gives to me so much that I never had, sometimes things as simple as a touch.  We’ve been through so much and we are still learning about eachother.  We know that the hard times are far from over. 

I guess to sum this up, the finality of divorce is that there is no undoing and no going back, and that has to be well thought of. 

I am simply making people aware of the ramifications based off of my experiences.  It is a  life long change, not only effecting your own life.   I’m over a year into it, and the tears still come.  I am seriously betting…they always will.

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~ by itsjojogirl on October 24, 2010.

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