Letting Sun Shine In

Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it. ~Vincent Van Gogh, 1889

So says the man who chopped his own ear off…ironic.

Emotions are powerful, this is true. They can be positive or negative and I tend to agree with the famous artist, that emotions can be the captains of our lives.

When you write or talk about the past, you relive. When it still causes you to shake thinking about it…you know there are very powerful emotions attached to what you are saying.

Through my writing, my life, I can go so many directions with it. For now, I think its important for the reader to gain a basis of understanding, so I leave much out. Do I focus on divorce and healing? Do I focus on the anxiety? I could make it really easy and just focus on my art and bypass all painful things lol .

The truth is that I have struggled with anxiety attacks, especially during stressful times. For me, it usually hits not when there is chaos but after, when all is better. Such has been the case for about the last six months and I do struggle almost every single day.

Anxiety is when fear manifest itself physically in our bodies. Our emotions are a great cause of this. I’m not a doctor, but I have lived it so I do have knowledge based off of my rapidly beating heart, dizziness and feeling like Im going to die episodes…then half an hour later feeling just fine.

I think for me, because I have lived such hard things, I almost fear normalcy. When there is nothing to panic about, that causes me to panic. I do fine during the trauma…its just after when it seems to effect me.

I write this only to give some insight. We read what people write so easily not always realizing the emotions sometimes attached to the person writing it.

My emotions have been on heightened alert for 8 years solid. So today Im opening all curtains and Im going to let the sun shine in on this beautiful day because after all, it is a new day!

Is it hard for me to write these things? yes, it is. Why do i do it? Because if I help one person to know they can make it through, and offer some hope…I have succeeded.

At a later time, I will talk more about my anxiety attacks.

Just keep in mind that your own outlook on a situation is vital.. never lose hope. There is always sunshine after a storm, no matter how terrible that storm may be. Our emotions do not have to captain our lives in a negative way anymore… that is why today I am letting sun shine in.


~ by itsjojogirl on October 27, 2010.

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